My sincere apologies for disappearing so much lately. I hate that I am not able to blog as often as I want. And more so that not a single photo I take makes me feel happy.. so for now I’m content on the process of taking the photos.
And thank you so much for supporting our little experiment 🙂 Thank you so much Charlotte and Ayushi!
and this is how I spent the weekend..
I know it’s not much of a photo. Just a lot of empty space..
Embarking on a new phase.. scared but excited nevertheless. I’m a homeowner! (well partial.. but still).
The implications haven’t yet sunk in.. so for now, all I’m focusing on is some home decorating! Because you know, who wants to grow up and be responsible.
Ok then..have a happy weekend my dears!
I have to catch a flight.
A random stranger who came to buy my sofa asked me “and you WANT to go back to India?” ..The surprise in her tone and the tiniest bit of shock took me aback. But what surprised me most was my own reaction. Without skipping a beat and with a lightness of heart that I hadn’t felt in a long time, I replied ‘Yes!’. And that re-ignited something in me. Something that I had suppressed all these years. My innate Indianness, if you will. Not the patriotic kinds nor the derogatory kind. Just the quality that allows us to live life by the gut. We love from there, hate from there, make big decisions using its signals. We literally speak and sing from the gut too.(No really! Try singing any Indian song. You WILL feel the vibrations in your tummy!). We are an emotional people. Its never about black or white but nor is it grey. Its about colors. All of them. Too many to identify. There are no rights and wrongs. There is only a feeling of the moment. We are cheaters but we are honest. We are lazy and sincere. We are black, brown, beige and white. We love free food but we are killer cooks. There’s poverty and pollution and traffic jams. But there are festivals and food and joy. There’s corruption and blackouts and no water. But there’s family and friends and home.There’s too many people. Privacy is almost impossible. But so is loneliness. We hate each other but will leave everything when someone we care about is in trouble. We will kick each other today and go back to being best friends tomorrow. We nod to say yes and we nod the same way to say no.
The rules are fuzzy. But the love is absolute.
And I for one… cannot wait to be back 🙂
Any childhood memory of Diwali is a happy place.. my favorite part ..building of the mud fort with elaborate details and make a huge mess.
Last time I have been home for Diwali was 4 years ago.. So the lucky folks in India ..celebrate on my behalf too!
Hope there is light and smiles 🙂
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I always wonder if there is an age, when we start trusting ourselves to make big decisions, without freaking out. The myriad of answers that I have received to this question ranged from, ‘become ageless’ to ‘ignore the problem till it goes away’. As you can see, I have the most brilliant friends.
The reason for the preface is I am dealing with one such decision. Current state of affairs is such, that I am trying to understand the need for man to be near his roots. More specifically, spending his later life in the place where he grew up. My father has always maintained that when we reach middle age, the need to be at home increases and if not satisfied, may destroy even the strongest of people. Its an emotional need and one that you cannot really suppress. I am young, so I will not understand it till I get there. Now he is twice my age and has seen a lot more of the world, than I have. So I want to listen to this logic and shut up. But the truth is, I want to know why. Why do we feel this need? I mean even in my 7 years away, India has become a totally different place than I knew it to be. The friends that I used to have, have moved away or are no longer in touch. Family has been dispersed. The work culture has changed, the social pattern and lifestyle has changed. Today even in India, you need to call up people if you want to visit them. If someone says, ‘leave me alone’, you leave them alone. You no longer hang out at the ‘katta’ on your bikes, chatting..you go to malls. So what I know to be ‘home’, is now a very different place, with which, I am not acquainted at all. And I will need to actually ‘adjust’ to living there again. But not withstanding these reasons, I will apparently feel that I should be going back.
And I am not disagreeing to this. I have seen it. Even a lot of people here in the US, after going through their careers, go back home to their small towns or big cities or wherever. My cousin who has been here for more than 15 years and is extremely successful has started feeling the need to return to India. And frankly, even I know that, I will be back there soon.
But no one has an answer to the why.. Why the willingness to give up a settled and sometimes even prosperous life and start a new life all over again in a place you hardly recognize anymore?
What is it, that ties man to his roots?
Apparently I’m a snob. Now I am the sort who likes to be accepted and liked by all. So I try my best to fit in and tailor myself to the present company without being fake. Its hard work in itself. But I also like the finer things in life..as much as the “paycheck” allows … Somehow that seems to be a factor adding to the ever increasing gap between me and my family back home. I grew up in a normal middle-class family with everything that I needed and some of what I wanted. Working in the US and having a disposable income provided the ability to have a lot more of what I wanted than I did as a kid. But that makes me ‘hi-fi’ in my mom’s words. hi-fi is a very Indian expression..loosely translated as elitist. Which I positively believe I am not. But if the idea has set in her mind, anything I say to the contrary wouldn’t matter. And that takes her farther away from me emotionally. Which hurts. Living in a different country for 7 years has already taken a toll on the closeness we once shared. This seems like such a superficial reason..and yet it exists..
Growing up isn’t as glossy as it seemed.